How Could I Forget?

Some days I barely think about it at all. Which makes my heart hurt. I woke up this morning and forgot. I forgot I’m carrying one of my most precious gifts. And then I remembered and I felt guilty for forgetting in the first place and sad all over again thinking of the reality.

Other days it’s like everything around me is a reminder that you were here but now you’re gone, in a spiritual sense of course because your sweet little body is still here with me for now. I see social media posts like this one of an ultrasound I saw this morning where you can see movement and a heartbeat and my own heart just sank as I remembered the monitor during our ultrasound. I was so relieved to see your body but when she held still nothing on the screen changed and I knew right away.

I see pregnancy announcement after pregnancy announcement on my fb and Instagram accounts and I am genuinely so happy for those families but at the same time it stings as I didn’t get to announce either of you in the way I wanted.

July 23rd and December 13th will always be dates that hold significance in my heart.

Some days I may go hours without actively thinking of the two of you but sweet babes know you are so loved.