Understanding Reality

I wanted to take a moment to touch on the reality of our first foster care experience and shed light on a tough topic for people to understand.

In the world of foster care, families are pulled apart, sometimes they are put back together, sometimes they grow in size, sometimes they unfortunately stay forever broken.

Kids in the foster system need people who can step in when the biological family is unable to care for them for a number of reasons.

Stepping in doesn’t just mean physically caring for them but emotionally caring for them too! Attachment plays a huge part in our ability to survive and thrive. Kids need caregivers to become attached, provide safe homes and love on them.

When a child is taken from their biological family at any age that child experiences trauma. Whether that be due to them knowing their family and being taken away to a strange place with unknown people or as an infant growing into a child then into an adult not understanding where they came from or not feeling that biological attachment to their birth family.

Then you have the reverse effect. When a child is returned to biological family they now lose the caregivers they’ve had for X amount of time.

The best case scenario as proven by research is the children returning safely to biological family with long term connection to their foster family. The second best case would be to remain with the foster family but maintain a connection to the birth family when able to do so safely.

When these situations are able to occur the child gains family rather than losing one or the other. Research has proven that in these cases the level of trauma experienced is lessened.

When these situations are unable to occur, children who are raised with all of the known facts (taught in age appropriate ways as they grow older) fully explained are less likely to experience feelings of abandonment and distrust than children who are kept in the dark about their childhood experiences.

So please just be aware and keep in mind..

The statements “he’s so lucky to have you guys” and “I hope you get to keep him” come from a place of love and we know that. But also know that as much as he’s lucky to have us, he’s unlucky to not have a typical life growing up with them right now. And as much as we love him dearly we also know how much “keeping him” could also be painful one day.

Keep an open mind is all I could ever ask 🤍