Feelings- So many feelings
Potentially less than 2 months of this pregnancy left. Trimester 3 has been pretty easy going so far but I’m learning that 2 under 2 is going to be a fun challenge. Babe is now running from place to place and as he gets faster daily, I’m getting slower..
There are so many feelings that come and go with this pregnancy nearing the end.
Worry- Will babe be okay? Is he going to easily adjust to this new life where he only knew us as a family of 3 and now he has to share us? I’m sure all mamas expecting her second child feel this one.
Guilt- As we near the end of this pregnancy and we happily anticipate this sweet baby I can’t help but feel guilty for not being sad daily about my first two biological babies. Speaking with a few friends about my losses this week has brought up old feelings from those experiences. Butttt Is it weird that I don’t think of those babies every day? Is it wrong of me to have days where I “forget”. Is it okay that I can separate those losses from this healthy pregnancy and baby? Does it mean I love them less?
Sadness- When I am thinking about my first two bio babies I sadly wonder what they would be like today. What they would look like. Would they look like this baby we get to see in 4D ultrasound photos? Would they have wild personalities like babe or be the calm to his wild storm?
Fear- Will this be the only pregnancy I experience? Will my next pregnancy be healthy or end in a loss too?? Am I crazy for even thinking about the next pregnancy when this one hasn’t even ended yet? But what if it is my only healthy pregnancy? What if this is the only baby I get to carry in my belly and in my arms alive and well?
Anxiety- Am I going to be able to juggle two children under the age of 2? How the hell will I keep up with babe when baby will have so many needs as well? Will he feel I don’t have as much love or time for him? Am I going to be good enough at this? Sleep… I remember all too well the sleep deprivation of a newborn.. how will we manage that WITH a 19 month old too?
Happiness- Feeling so incredibly happy and blessed when I feel this baby move and as we make each milestone together like crossing mini finish lines. When babe lays his head on my belly at night as if he’s snuggling the baby or when he gently rubs my belly and says “baby”.
Grateful- When I remember how lucky I am to carry this healthy baby this far and to have loved on babe for almost 18 months now.
Now I know all of my feelings are valid.
I know a lot of mamas feel many of these especially if they have experienced a loss themselves.
But it doesn’t make them less real.
I am constantly reminding myself to take deep breaths and embrace each day as it comes.
Because as a mama, the worry never goes away and the happiness and love only grow🤍
